CELEBRITY DJS VS. DJ SOFTWARE

Youíre throwing a party, but after listening to mix CDs from dozens of deejays, you still canít decide who to hire. Well, you've been wasting your time. Why? On the one hand, pop stars and movie actors can fill a nightclub with the sheer force of their starpower and a handful of classic rock CDs. On the other, MP3 player software such as Native Instrumentsí Traktor and Baytexís Party 3.0 have made humans obsolete, automatically sorting, beat-matching and mixing tracks seamlessly on any laptop. Hereís a quick breakdown to help you decide which option best suits your event:

Celebrity DJ.....
Will draw a crowd of aspiring models, photographers, stylists, actors and drug dealers.

DJ Software....
Will draw Mac World conventioneers.

Celebrity DJ.....
Generally no more than eight seconds of dead air between tracks.

DJ Software....
"Precise auto beat-matching."

Celebrity DJ.....
"Can you put that complimentary vodka martini in a pint glass please?"

DJ Software....
Will short circuit if spilled on.

Celebrity DJ.....
Will play "Free Bird" because it affords enough time for a trip to the bathroom with a friend. Or two. Or four.

DJ Software....
Will play "Free Bird" if itís on your hard drive.

Celebrity DJ.....
Motor skills will decline precipitously after 2:30 AM.

DJ Software....
"Never crashes!"

Celebrity DJ.....
Gaurantees press coverage of your party in Paper magazine.

DJ Software....
Gaurantees press coverage of your party in PC Weekly.

Celebrity DJ.....
$300 plus damages.

DJ Software....
$99 plus tax.

by Craig Garrett

[originally published in Repellent #2 (winter 2003)]

copyright 2003

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